It has been awhile since I have returned Stateside. I have now come to a place (by the grace of God, and by said grace only) in which I can look back, sigh, and thank God for being faithful through the numerous tearful days and nights.
That transition hits you like a train, y’all – not the kind of train that you miss. Definitely not intending to say that is a closed door, either. Does transition ever fully come to a stop? My honest thought process tells me that it does not end as long as we live ever-changing, ever-transforming lives. Certainly, it does take form in different shapes and sizes. I could be really dramatic and seize this opportunity to use lyrics from an Ed Sheeran or Adele song of a long lost love as an analogy to describe how it feels when the randomly occurring, yet deeply piercing moments of what seem to be a hazy past life hit you through a certain smell, craving, or the sight of a what is thought to be a familiar face…alas, I will spare you.
In hindsight, I realize that I spent much time upon return in a manner of striving, scurrying, struggling to keep from drowning. However, no tearful season passes without producing some gem:
Stop & KNOW
In scriptural terms, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
“I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts. It is easy to talk oneself into a decision that has no permanence – easier sometimes than to wait patiently.”
–the late Elisabeth Elliot, circa Passion and Purity
Striving in efforts to GO leads to stress, to anxiety, to an altogether unhealthy mindset and heart set. This is when having courage means reminding oneself of wise words: above all else, guard your heart, for out of it springs the wells of life.
Remember, steps of faith need to be steps of faith, not steps of _________.
Even in the stillness, there remain unshakable truths:
- God is good.
- God loves me.
- God is working together all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Hold on to these.
This is probably an appropriate place to offer a disclaimer, or clarification of sorts. I have not given up on pursuing a life of missions. I am not waiting around for something to work out, nor a sign to be written out in the sky. I am, however, at peace with the current circumstances. Allowing my roots to grow in San Jose was not “the plan”, but it happens and it is happening for now. A missionary’s life looks different in every part of the world, but missions is everywhere because missions means as long as you are on this earth, your purpose is to love people by pointing them to the love of Jesus – and people are everywhere. This is what being “sure of the unseen” and the “wanderings of Waness” are all about. The most important thing in all of this, is to praise the Creator – without Him, none of what we do would need to be done because it is not about me nor you nor humankind. The point is to recognize the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
So, you better recognize. (Yeah, I went there. Sorry, it had to be done.)
Sing it from the mountaintops, sing it from the valley!
As far as vision goes, mine doesn’t go very far – at least, not without major gaps. I do feel a stirring that I may be moving along soon. Although, “soon” is a relative term. Until “soon” becomes “now”, I pray this for myself and for you, dear reader: let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful (Colossians 3:15).